I have heard these and similar statements many times from both the families of my children who need special education and from the families of my students who attend kindergarten i mentor.
- Do you think that the phrase "NO" is a savior ?
- Do you belive using expression "NO" will end the behavior of your child at the moment?
- Are you acting like an authority when you say " NO"
- When you say " NO" , don't you know your child will turn it into "YES"
Observe yourself how many times do you use " NO" to your child in a day ?
"NO" should be used if your children unknowingly creates a position to harm themselves or others. firm and assertive "NO" is the best in these kinds of situations .
"NO" we should use it as a statement usually in case of danger. Otherwise there is no judgement for a child who keeps hearing the expression "NO". they will continue whatever they do.
well what should we do ?
I can honestly mention that it is not easy to give up saying "NO" habit. let us look what we can do ?
Example "NO" Way
Child : Mom, I want to eat ice cream
Mom : No, you can not
Child : Yes, I can
Mom : Dinner is ready
Child : I want to eat ice cream
Mom : I said "NO"
Child : I will not eat dinner, I want ice cream ( Whinging )
Child : Mom, I want to eat ice cream
Mom : of course
Child : give me
Mom : Yes, I will give you after dinner.
Come on, dinner is ready.
Child : May I eat ice cream after finishing my dinner ?
Mom : yes, which one would you like to eat ? soup or chicken ?
Actually ,mother's opinion is same in both cases, only words are different , so result too ...
When a child hears "NO" does not likely to listen rest of the conversation. They use varios strategies to reach their aims :)
HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES
1) Give A Definite Answer
Children needs to feel reliable about daily, weekly future plans. Frequently hearing " I am not sure...., well ......, probably ......, maybe ....." can frustrate tjem. generally they will try to turn it into " YES" by whining , asking again and again , begging
If you really mean "NO" explain the reasons without using "NO" . explaining the reason and results may help you. Instead of "NO" do not run
" You know the weather is cold and the roads are icy, we can all slide down, Let us walk slowly and carefully .
3) Keep Calm
Being tired of working, traffic , char it would be hard to be enduring, patient. Take a deep breath avoid yelling, shouting, having an angry manner. Assure that negative words will make the problem harder.
4) Ignore crying , whining
Many times children do not emjoy your refuse. As a part of their strategies they may use crying and whining to be succesful :) Best way to come over this position you can calmly say " I really do not understand what you mean. when your crying finishes, then i will listen you "
5) Parental Consistency
So, you have worked hard to give up saying "NO" but how about your partner ? What if your partner disagrees ?
research show that it is not only important for an individual parent to have consistency, it is important for two parents to be consistent with each other , each time .
6) Offer Choices
Offering choices helps children feel powerful and confident when they have control in daily routines . Offering Choices distract them and may rescue you from a crisis.
7) Be sure that you use "YES" more often than "NO"
It is essential changing our habits while children grow. It should not be forgotten that while we are raising our children, we also grow and learn :)
I have been working in the field of Special Education since I graduated from Hacettepe University, Department of Psychology in 2001. I have a wide experience in Individual Education Responsibility Group Training Responsibility Education Coordinator Institution Founding I have a lot of long time experience in the Special Education Field, including the Director of the Institution.